Lies at the Alter : The Truth About Great Marriages

Review By: John Woolf, Compare Book Suit
Review Score:

Few go into a marriage expecting it to fail. Yet, more than half of all marriages, do in fact, end in divorce; far form the "till death do us part" vow most of us made at the altar. Yet many more couples die emotionally, spiritually or sexually within the marriage and hang in there even though they are not in a sustainable relationship. With so many choices in today's world coupled with so many easy outs, maintaining a long-term relationship is increasingly difficult. The need has never been greater to address this modern plague of heartache and distress in our society. You would think that all you need is love, decency and common sense for two people to make it through life together. But that does not seem to be the case. Dr. Robin L. Smith's new book, Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages encompasses the problem by revealing most of us go into marriage with many unspoken needs, unasked questions, fairy-tale assumptions and other hidden agendas that later manifest themselves in power struggles, hopelessness and suffering. When the substance of life distills romance down to reality, it is important to have a viable foundation on which mature love can grow. Whether you are already married, engaged or planning on marriage, Lies at the Altar is a very valuable tool to help couples make the wedding vows they took in innocence and earnest and turn them into healthy, happy fulfilling relationships.

The book goes on to point out that everyone wants a great marriage, but few of us are willing to do the work that creates one. It is important to go into your relationship with your eyes wide open. So often we only have stars in our eyes, which only serve to hinder or down-to-earth vision. Lies at the Alter goes on to state that, "What you need is the courage to ask yourself and your partner the hard questions and be willing to accept the truthful answers that come from the process. Finding out what is important for your sense of well-being and for that of your mate is key in building a strong and sturdy marital foundation. If you're afraid that exploring certain issues will rock the boat and capsize your relationship, then you don't have the relationship to weather the storms of married life." As there is no crystal ball to magically provide us with the answers, Lies at the Altar offers a number of informative quizzes covering a vast number of topics. This bank of 276 questions are not pass/fail. There are no right or wrong answers; only coming to an understanding of yourself and your partner's worldview on a number of important, as well as what might seem to be, ordinary issues.

But even with a strong foundation on which to build your relationship, problem can and often will be forth coming. It seems that we all carry a fair amount of baggage from our childhoods. Our fears and wounds can manifest themselves in a variety of situations that couples are confronted with in their daily lives. As this books point out, "If we don't deal with our past, our past will deal with us." It is important to have the necessary tools to defuse problems and what might often appear as intractable positions in our relationships. This is especially true if, as Lies at the Alter point out, our repeated conflicts turn our marriages into a scene from Groundhog's Day. It is therefore essential to write a fresh script. This "hard work" of creating a strong and respectful love bond can only be done when both partners are able to really see and hear the other. This is accomplished in a three-step process Lies at the Altar outlines very carefully, supported by a number of narrative examples that make this process easy to understand and implement.

Perhaps most compelling, Lies at the Altar is about making an investment in yourself by not letting lies dominate your life. It is important to stand at the altar of truth and commit to plain and simple honesty. You will get the real you back as you leave shame and blame behind. It is a prudent investment that allows you to make wise decisions about how to spend your emotional, spiritual, financial and physical wealth.